My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
