will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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