Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
