i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
