k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
