how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i came on her dog
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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