i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
