Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
