1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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