the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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