the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
