Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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