it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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