Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
