Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
