I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
