I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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