My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
