the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
