i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
