thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
