I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
