Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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