And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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