he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
