Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
