he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
