I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
