Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
