:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
