You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
