i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
