Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
