The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
