I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
