We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
