i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
