If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
4 words: hood of his car
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
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