ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
