I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
