don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
