TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
