so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
