Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
