And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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