It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
