Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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