Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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