You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
