We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
