So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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