You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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