I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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